I came home from work yesterday and was telling Travis about how stressful my day had been because I felt stretched so thin. They had me putting up new displays while tearing down old ones, while re-labeling stock, while serving customers etc...While I am usually good at multi-tasking I just felt stretched really "thin" yesterday. I don't know why, but there was this inner pressure to hurry and get everything done and get it done right. The problem is that they have all of these expectations and we close at 5:30. If you aren't done at 5:30 they say you have to stay and finish and yet you don't get PAID to stay and finish. (Which is where the pressure comes in. If you aren't close to being done at 5:00 you have this panic feeling that you cannot possibly get through by 5:30!!...) Of course, Travis says that I should just tell them that I only get paid until 5:30 and I have to leave - something that is probably correct, and yet, I struggle with the concept of leaving something unfinished.
Travis says this is definitely a sign that I'm heading down that path again - the path of a work-a-holic. (Yes, I have struggled with his a lot in my life - most likely from being raised to always do "above and beyond...always give 110%...always do more...always go beyond what you are asked to do...etc. - While these are good concepts, they do tend to turn one into a bit of a perfectionist!) I do not desire to have this stress in my life. In every other aspect of my life I have such calmness and joy and peace. For some reason, though, when it comes to work I demand so much of myself and try to pick up the slack from my co-workers. (Some of whom could care less about being there and therefore barely work at all.) I do not know what drives me to feel the need to pick up the slack, but something gives me a "panic" feeling and makes me feel that things have GOT to get done....
So.....having laid out my confession before you, I am committed to my "therapy" and I am determined not to let this job bring me down. I want the same equanimity that I have throughout the rest of my life to flow into my work and to be present with me. This should be my New Year's resolution!
If any of you have suggestions for me, please feel free to leave a comment. I will let you know how I get on with this struggle of mine - hopefully the fact that I recognize it early enough will help bring my life back into balance.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. " - Reinhold Niebuhr Serenity Prayer
4 comments:
I can totally relate to this! It is SO hard to find a balance when it comes to working...always feeling like you have to do more – do better - go above and beyond. I do this with all the video editing projects and find more often than not, I start feeling burnt out. If I could find a balance, it wouldn’t be so bad, but when it’s an overwhelming load, I tend to stress myself out to the point of grinding my teeth at night while I sleep! Anyway, all that to say I, unfortunately, don’t have any wise words to share. =)
I encourage you to continue searching to find the balance though. I have sometimes found that I have to stand up for myself...to myself...if that makes any sense. Sometimes when I find myself pushing myself to hard I have to say “no more”...to myself.
I just reread that last sentence and it sounds like quite the riddle - hahaha!
Keep searching – it will benefit you greatly to find the balance now than 50 years from now.
Love you girl!
Thanks for the understanding, Mindy....I did go to work yesterday with the intent to really just carry peace with me and let it all go - and I left without finishing everything...amazingly I still felt good and actually felt a lot less stressed. I had still worked really hard, but I wasn't going "crazy" over it!! Maybe I'll have to just switch my yoga practice to right before work and practice those thoughts to get me on the right track! =)
Thanks for being so open and honest in this post Teniah! It really gave me more insight about you. I'm learning so much about bloggies these days.. and I think we all have another life (of course we do duh!) but there is so much going on in each of our lives that we don't know about. I encourage you to breathe and stay peaceful. And judging by the post I just read peacefully about your yoga thoughts- you're on your way to letting go of this "work-a-holic" lifestyle. I for one am ust starting schooling for a new career.. one centered around working, A LOT. So I don't know what my life will look like.. but I know my life is blessed and I'll just go with that for now. :)
XOXO
Thanks, Bekah...Yeah, I totally hear you. I am also starting school and a new carear (I start nursing school in about two weeks.) So I am hoping to take my yoga practice to a new level by integrating it into every aspect of my life and giving up my "work-a-holic" tendencies!! Thanks for the comments, and I'm totally loving following your adventure at CIA!
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