Why is it so hard to simply be ourselves?
Why do we feel the need to always be "pretending" to be fine?
How do we break the cycle of shallow relationships?
These are some deep questions which have come up in several different discussions I have had over the past few months with different people...It would seem that as a society we have created an environment which demands that people show the world a false identity, and that leaves people feeling ashamed of what they are actually feeling and afraid of being seen for who they really are...The message is that being ourselves is simply not good enough - we have to put on a show of what we think the world wants to see.
While in the past few years we have begun promoting wonderful messages like "It's okay to not be okay" and we talk about opening up about our true feelings - Do we really? Is it really okay to not be okay? Or is this just lip service...I believe we as a society need to start backing up what we are saying here.
When was the last time you had a friend tell you that they were having a bad day? When you say "Good morning, how are you?" Have you ever had anyone answer you truthfully, or are you always given the same response "Oh, I'm fine...How are you?" Do you ever pursue that further and ask if they are really fine? How often do you really seek to know the truth about what's going on in the lives of those around you...or is it easier for you to not know and to just assume its all good?
I ask these questions just to spur you on to care for others in a deeper way. I encourage you to start looking at relationships from a deeper perspective where we can learn to really do life together - the good and the bad parts of life. There is some real community and unity that comes from being vulnerable with one another and truly caring for another person on a deeper level.
Personally I feel that some of this comes from a lack of "Oneness"...a lack of unity. We see ourselves as separate/individual/unique...Our Ego is forever trying to stand apart and show the world what we've got that makes us better or stronger, or smarter than the next person. It is this comparison that divides us. If instead we could begin to see ourselves in others we would begin to break down those walls that separate us. When you observe in others your own vulnerabilities, your own failings, your own desires for joy and happiness then you can start to see yourself in them and start to accept with more love who they are in this moment - and not need them to be something else. Perhaps in seeking this oneness we can begin to lessen the need for "pretending", and address the feelings people have that they need to live up to someone else's expectations.
My challenge to you is this: Do you allow others to be real? Are you willing to do life with them, or are you a fair weather friend? What steps do you need to take to make changes in your life that would allow for more acceptance and unity with those you are in relationship with?
"Embrace oneness by seeing yourself in everyone you encounter" ~ Wayne Dyer