I must clarify here, that I am not saying that God is not apart of that. When I view my own efforts in my life, God is obviously a part of that effort as His spirit is alive within me. What I am saying here, is that my fullness and completeness does not rely on anyone else. I do not need a friend or partner to fill an empty void in my life. What I need is to recognise what is causing that void and find it's completeness within myself.
The real reason for my contemplation stems from how much I have relied on my husband, in the past, to fulfill my needs. To fill in the gaps of emptiness, to provide the love and acceptance that my heart desired. To heal the brokenness within me, and cover the past hurts. In the first years of our marriage I placed certain expectations around him with the intent that he would fulfill all of those needs. When he has not been present (either physically or emotionally) I have grieved over this loss and emptiness. (Many military wives can probably relate to this experience during deployments and trainings). Recognising that my husband is likely to leave again on business for several months next year, I wanted to get a grounding on these emotions and really understand where they were coming from and how to respond to them. I realised after much reflection that the reality is that I was relying on my husband to fill spaces within myself that only I can fill.
After having this revelation I began a journey towards finding my own fullness and completeness within myself. In coming to terms with the "needs" that I have and the roots of where these needs come from. Through self reflection and being present with these emotions, I hope to truly develop within myself a stronger, more confident, and independent woman.
Already through my yoga practice, and through journaling and self-reflection, I have made huge strides towards achieving this. I believe that because of this, I will have a totally new and refeshing perspective on our time apart in the coming year. I believe this time will be enlightening for both of us and will strengthen our relationship by strengthening us as individuals.
It was a bit ironic when I got the email today from Yoga Journal about this same concept: Soul Mate I really encourage you to have a read of this article as it offers some really valuable points and may prove to be just the push you need in your life to search yourself for answers, rather than relying on someone else for those answers.
I know that I have many friends who believe in the "Knight in shining armour" and the idea that when they find their ONE sole mate, it will be the "missing piece" in their life. I highly encourage some self-reflection here to recognise that you have everything you need within yourself to be whole and complete. When you find that completeness within yourself, I believe it is THEN that you find true happiness with another.
Every day my love for my husband grows as I learn to love myself more and more, and to rely on him less and less for that fulfillment. Through finding contentment and peace within ourselves as individuals we can become a stronger and happier unit.
Mantra: "Allow yourself to sit with the emotions that you experience today and acknowledge that these feelings are part of who you are. Let yourself be right where you are at as you find contentment in the person that you are." ~ Namaste