Emotional Intelligence and the Ego

While I have internet connection, I thought I would take a quick minute to share some thoughts related to several conversations I have had this week. 

It is always interesting to me when you talk to several different people about completely different situations in life but realise later that they are actually all rooted in the same basic concepts. To me this is usually a sign that it is something the Universe is trying to teach me or open my eyes to the reality of. My eyes have been opened widely this week to the fact that we need collectively to gain a better understanding of ourselves in order to appropriately relate to and interact with one another.

This week the underlying theme has been two-fold. Firstly, the need for training and personal work to be done around emotional intelligence; and secondly, the need for training around living outside of the Ego and inside of the Source of Spirit that is within us. If you are at all in any type of leadership position, I would really encourage you to do some research around emotional intelligence and how to teach those skills to those you lead. (Parents and those who mentor others, this would include you as well!)

I have discussed emotional intelligence many times on this blog because essentially that is the foundation of the "personal work" we are doing within ourselves when we read these kind of blog posts or seek to understand our own experiencs and how they impact our behaviour. This work that we do within ourselves is paramount to our ability to interact with others and have meaningful relationships. When people do not self-reflect and understand how their past experiences impact on their behaviour, they project emotions onto others in a harmful way and this often leads to the distruction of those relationships. This is what I have seen in the examples given during several conversations this week around how the harmful words and behaviours of others negatively effect/traumatize/harm the other person involved. People living from their Ego often do not even realise that they are living in this state. Because they have not reflected on their own experiences and what drives their actions and words, they do not even realise the harm they are causing by projecting these emotions onto others. I believe that the skills of self-reflection are some of the greatest skills you can ever learn in your life. Learning how to look deeply at your own self . (Your thoughts, emotions, past hurts etc.) Whether it's through journaling, talking it all out, meditation or whatever tool you choose to use, I highly encourage you to take some time today to think about the ways in which you could do that "personal work" that needs to happen. It would be my hope for our world that this skill eventually gets taught on a large-scale and that people start to understand the impact that this can have on relationships of all kinds (both personal and professional).

Many times on this blog I have also touched on the subject of living from Ego and what that really looks like. This week the examples that were shared with me really highlighted how this negative projection happens and how harmful it can be to those involved. When someone lives in a state of Ego they are highly offendable, jealous, gossipers, put others down to make themselves feel better, confrontational and generally difficult to work with/be in relationship with. The Ego is not just about pride (which I think is the mis-conception). The Ego is also about projecting emotions from past experiences and hurts onto another. When your actions are Egoistic you are thinking only of yourself and how things impact you personally (If you are jealous it's because of the feelings you have about your own current situation and discontent within that. If you are confrontational it's because you believe your way is the only right way. etc) The complete opposite is living In-Spirit where your actions come from a place of humility and grace. Where you have a un-offendable Spirit because your pride is not involved in your emotional responses, where you are genuinely happy for others because you are content with your own life circumstances, and where you don't need to gossip about others or drag other people down. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence and self-reflection to get to a space where you can live In-Spirit, but when you get there, you are no longer projecting negatively onto other people and your relationships improve tremendously. The more people that learn to live from their Spirit rather than from their Ego, the more peaceful and loving this world will be.

It is my personal view that our current society is much too focused on things that don't matter (people spend an enormous amount of time on social media, watching TV, doing meaningless activities because they are tired after work or need a "mental break".) If we each took even just 15min a day to stop and do a bit of self-reflection and look closely at how we responded to various people throughout the day and what we were thinking/feeling at the time and where those feelings may have come from. I believe it would be the start to some really powerful changes with the way people relate to each other. It seems like we are somehow losing touch with how to have those significant interactions with others. I feel like in our modern world we have lost touch with how to communicate with one another and how to relate. (This is likely linked with the high use of technology for communication, but that's a whole other can of worms.)

Perhaps through this sort of work we could come back to a place where the Spirit of love and peace is what drives our words and actions. I encourage you to give some thought to emotional intelligence and the Ego this week. Take a few moments to do the "personal work" that needs to be done!

"Today I take the time to stop and reflect on my true nature - remembering that the Spirit has already provided everything I will ever need. I am compassionate, gracious and humble. I am one with my Source." ~ Namaste

Three Great Treasures

As I approach a new transition time in my life - from Nurse in Te Anau, New Zealand to Cook in Galena, Alaska...I conclude my month-long focus on rejuvenation and now move into a continued practice of living out the "Three Great Treasures" (Mercy, Frugality, Humility). This time of rejuvenation leading up to the transition has been amazing. I have really spent a lot of time focusing on my physical wellbeing and also doing some good soul-searching and emotional healing work which has brought me a lot of peace. I have slowed life right down and it's been a truly wonderful time. (Mind you, I took this time of rejuvenation WHILE working and volunteering, so I encourage you in this - you do NOT have to quit your job or stop attending to your daily activities in order to have some restful rejuvenation time....simply make it a habit to slow down and take time out of your day to reflect and do some of the work needed to heal - that might mean going for a long walk instead of watching a movie or calling a friend instead of reading that novel....These are simple things you can do while you are still attending to your daily schedule.)

As I move forward I keep in the forefront of my mind the concepts of Mercy, Frugality, and Humility. To me Mercy incorporates compassion and loving-kindness as well. It's about not giving that which is deserved - so if someone deserves your scorn or retribution etc., you are instead offering them loving-kindness, compassion, forgiveness etc.

Frugality is not referring to spending less money as such...but rather it's about living simply. In Wayne Dyer's book "Change your thoughts, change your life" he talks about the beauty that comes from living a simple life and how this attitude of being satisfied with less results in greater generosity towards others..."The less attached you are to your stuff, the easier it is to be generous; the more you cling to it, the more you feel you need, and the less concerned you are with the welfare of others".

Another beautiful treasure is Humility. To me, this is about having a heart open to serving others, it's about letting go of the Ego and the need to be elevated to a place of "success", and rather to be content to simply live each day loving and serving those around you.  Humility is also about recognizing the shared humanness that we have and the unity of our spirits with those around us - not believing ourselves to be somehow greater than, or even so very different to the person next to us. This is moving away from the ideas of separatism and division, and seeking more unity in life.

So, I leave you with these three treasures to ponder this week...How can you bring these concepts more to mind this week and how can you apply them more in your daily life? Who in your life do you need to show more mercy to? How can you live more simply and give more generously? When the Ego wants you to show how much knowledge you have, or wants you to dictate to someone else how they should be living their life - stop and take a breath and think about how you could maybe take a step back and live humbly in that moment.

*Just a wee side note that I may not be online that much over the next few months as internet connection is not fabulous in remote Alaska.

"May I be compassionate, gracious and humble and may loving-kindness and truth never leave me" ~ Namaste

The Work of Forgiveness

• Could forgiveness be a key to rejuvenation? 
• What exactly does forgiveness require of us? 
• Could you bring physical healing into your life simply through forgiving others? 

These are some questions that have been rolling around in my mind for many years now, and as I have worked through finding answers to these questions over the years, I have come to a much clearer understanding of it...I believe that there is a connection between holding onto un-forgiven things and our ability to move forward in life - to heal...to rejuvenate.

This is very tightly linked with the blog I shared a few weeks ago around having the courage to look closely at the stories we tell ourselves of our life - our past, our present...the pain, the joy, the struggle...Part of the process involved in letting go of these stories and moving forward is forgiveness.

Often times these "stories" involve multiple characters/players. There will be many people who are involved in our past and whom we may have been deeply wounded by. Finding forgiveness for these past wrongs and offering love and grace to those who have harmed us is probably one of life's most challenging tasks. However, the peace that comes to us when we release that person from the bondage of our heart, and when we allow love and grace to flow from within us is indescribable. It is well worth taking the time to do the work that forgiveness requires.

Noting also that forgiveness is a process and sometimes it takes months or years to fully release all the pain associated with it. (The key point here is that once you have let go of that part of your story, you cannot take it back into your life again - letting it go, means it's gone and it's in the past...it no longer serves you).

From a religious point of view, I believe this is why Christianity and so many other religions put so much emphasis on forgiveness...because it releases and allows for so much more space in our lives. When our lives are consumed by past wrongs, we simply do not have the energy or space for the abundant life that should be ours.

Letting go allows for space to be created where beauty and love can then flourish. Until we can face the things we hold so tightly to, those burdens will grow heavier every day...What do you need to let go of today? Who do you need to forgive? (It could be that you actually need to forgive yourself).

I encourage you today to set aside some time to reflect on this and to start the process of forgiveness. It is not a quick and easy journey, but it is definitely worth it! Easter is an appropriate time to think about forgiveness and love. If Christ could forgive us of all the many wrongs that we have committed in our lives, surely we could use that example and forgive those who have wronged us.

"May I let go of all the things that no longer serve me; all the pain, all the suffering, all the sadness...May that space in my heart be re-filled today with compassion, love, and grace." ~ Namaste