I have had several conversations in the past week with different people from different age groups and cultures around the topic of "the life we are expected to live" based on how we were raised and what society believes we should be doing with our life. (Super interesting how this topic was important enough to each of them to bring it up in conversation - it obviously sits heavy on the hearts of many).
It is so incredibly interesting how varied these ideas are from country to country and depending on the religious background and values of each person's family. For example, in some cultures women are supposed to work and are encouraged to, yet there are only certain types of jobs that are considered appropriate. Other cultures, of course, do not believe in women in the work place at all and instead believe that women should be at home looking after their children or husband. Some cultures support single women, others force the idea of dating and marriage starting in early adolescence.
One of the women I was talking to waited for years to tell her family that she was a chef because in her culture that was not an acceptable job for a woman. She tells me that even years later her parents still will not mention to any of their friends what it is that their daughter does for work because it is a shameful thing. (So interesting how something that we value so much in our culture here, is considered a shameful thing in another culture.....This conversation is really what inspired this post).
What strikes me as so crazy is the fact that so many people are trying to live within these "expectations" in order to be accepted by their family and those they hold most dear. Of course, then comes the heartbreak when they fall outside of this expected outcome and are left feeling like a failure or worse are rejected completely by their family.
So what does it mean to live an unconventional life exactly? And who defines that? Well, I cracked myself up a little bit when I googled the meaning of unconventional and it's synonyms. (My favorites were "offbeat" and "far-out"!!! haha.....I love that it says far-out....http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/unconventional) Furthermore, what sacrifices have to be made in order to live an unconventional life, and are the sacrifices worth it?
For the past 10 years of our married life I would say that my husband and I have lived pretty unconventional lives, but for the first five years of marriage we played the game of doing life as it was expected. We bought the things everyone else bought, we went places everyone else goes, we did the sorts of jobs everyone expected us to do, and we never did anything out of the ordinary. People accepted us and life was "normal". It was only when we started looking into the idea of immigrating to New Zealand that our lives took a real unconventional turn. Something within that idea of moving to a new country inspired us to explore and discover other possible life choices that could be different than the expected. We began to search for our true selves (which was probably due to age as well being that by this point we were in our early twenties). While we awaited our immigration process we decided to move to Alaska and that was definitely a "far-out" thing to do! By making small changes to our way of living we ended up pushing further and further outside the boundaries that we previously believed existed. This journey for us still continues, but more and more we have uncovered who we want to be and the life we want to live, and in that process we have found peace.
I recently had a dear friend of mine break up with me because she could not understand why our lifestyle was so unconventional and she could not cope with how free and unsettled our life appeared to her. It did not fit into the expectation she had for us. This experience lead me to a lot of reflecting on the idea of expectations and why we create them for ourselves and for other people in our lives? Why is it that we feel we should know what is right for someone else? Why are we so quick to judge another person's life choices? (And I, like every other human, am equally guilty of judgement...but through self-reflection this is an area where I am seeking real personal improvement).
My question to you today is what is keeping you from living an unconventional life? Do you struggle to be true to yourself because you fear others will not accept your lifestyle choices? Do you question whether or not you will lose your friends or family in the process of finding your true self? What stands in the way of you being able to live freely?
Over the years I am observing more and more how people move through this process. Some people battle all the way trying to ignore the urge to be their authentic self because it does not follow the same path that is expected of them. Others learn to find happiness in living freely and don't fear rejection or separation from those who don't understand. Some pay the ultimate sacrifice of losing the love and acceptance of those they hold most dear, and for them the question remains of whether that sacrifice was worth it. It is my opinion that in the end, being true to yourself and your Divine nature and who you were created to be is always worth any sacrifices made; for it is only then that you will ever truly live in peace.
So there are some interesting topics for thought and self-reflection here. I do encourage you as you move through the weekend and the coming week to examine the thoughts that you have around other's and their lifestyle choices and look for ways that you can encourage young people and those who may be struggling to be true to themselves. Be the person who is loving and kind and encouraging even when you don't understand. Be the person who heals a heart. Be the person who doesn't hold another to your own standard of living. Allow others to be free to be who they are.
Mantra: "May my actions today reflect my true nature. May I let go of all expectations and live my life fully and freely. May my soul find peace in who I am, because who I am is who I was created to be."~ Namaste
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