Living an Unconventional Life

Warning - long post to follow:

I have had several conversations in the past week with different people from different age groups and cultures around the topic of "the life we are expected to live" based on how we were raised and what society believes we should be doing with our life. (Super interesting how this topic was important enough to each of them to bring it up in conversation - it obviously sits heavy on the hearts of many).

It is so incredibly interesting how varied these ideas are from country to country and depending on the religious background and values of each person's family. For example, in some cultures women are supposed to work and are encouraged to, yet there are only certain types of jobs that are considered appropriate. Other cultures, of course, do not believe in women in the work place at all and instead believe that women should be at home looking after their children or husband. Some cultures support single women, others force the idea of dating and marriage starting in early adolescence.

One of the women I was talking to waited for years to tell her family that she was a chef because in her culture that was not an acceptable job for a woman. She tells me that even years later her parents still will not mention to any of their friends what it is that their daughter does for work because it is a shameful thing. (So interesting how something that we value so much in our culture here, is considered a shameful thing in another culture.....This conversation is really what inspired this post).

What strikes me as so crazy is the fact that so many people are trying to live within these "expectations" in order to be accepted by their family and those they hold most dear. Of course, then comes the heartbreak when they fall outside of this expected outcome and are left feeling like a failure or worse are rejected completely by their family.

So what does it mean to live an unconventional life exactly? And who defines that? Well, I cracked myself up a little bit when I googled the meaning of unconventional and it's synonyms. (My favorites were "offbeat" and "far-out"!!! haha.....I love that it says far-out....http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/unconventional) Furthermore, what sacrifices have to be made in order to live an unconventional life, and are the sacrifices worth it?

For the past 10 years of our married life I would say that my husband and I have lived pretty unconventional lives, but for the first five years of marriage we played the game of doing life as it was expected. We bought the things everyone else bought, we went places everyone else goes, we did the sorts of jobs everyone expected us to do, and we never did anything out of the ordinary. People accepted us and life was "normal". It was only when we started looking into the idea of immigrating to New Zealand that our lives took a real unconventional turn. Something within that idea of moving to a new country inspired us to explore and discover other possible life choices that could be different than the expected. We began to search for our true selves (which was probably due to age as well being that by this point we were in our early twenties). While we awaited our immigration process we decided to move to Alaska and that was definitely a "far-out" thing to do! By making small changes to our way of living we ended up pushing further and further outside the boundaries that we previously believed existed. This journey for us still continues, but more and more we have uncovered who we want to be and the life we want to live, and in that process we have found peace.

I recently had a dear friend of mine break up with me because she could not understand why our lifestyle was so unconventional and she could not cope with how free and unsettled our life appeared to her. It did not fit into the expectation she had for us. This experience lead me to a lot of reflecting on the idea of expectations and why we create them for ourselves and for other people in our lives? Why is it that we feel we should know what is right for someone else? Why are we so quick to judge another person's life choices? (And I, like every other human, am equally guilty of judgement...but through self-reflection this is an area where I am seeking real personal improvement).

My question to you today is what is keeping you from living an unconventional life? Do you struggle to be true to yourself because you fear others will not accept your lifestyle choices? Do you question whether or not you will lose your friends or family in the process of finding your true self? What stands in the way of you being able to live freely?

Over the years I am observing more and more how people move through this process. Some people battle all the way trying to ignore the urge to be their authentic self because it does not follow the same path that is expected of them. Others learn to find happiness in living freely and don't fear rejection or separation from those who don't understand. Some pay the ultimate sacrifice of losing the love and acceptance of those they hold most dear, and for them the question remains of whether that sacrifice was worth it. It is my opinion that in the end, being true to yourself and your Divine nature and who you were created to be is always worth any sacrifices made; for it is only then that you will ever truly live in peace.

So there are some interesting topics for thought and self-reflection here. I do encourage you as you move through the weekend and the coming week to examine the thoughts that you have around other's and their lifestyle choices and look for ways that you can encourage young people and those who may be struggling to be true to themselves. Be the person who is loving and kind and encouraging even when you don't understand. Be the person who heals a heart. Be the person who doesn't hold another to your own standard of living. Allow others to be free to be who they are.

Mantra: "May my actions today reflect my true nature. May I let go of all expectations and live my life fully and freely. May my soul find peace in who I am, because who I am is who I was created to be."~ Namaste

The topic of purity from a new and unusual perspective

Recently I have gained a new understanding of the word purity and what it actually means. I thought I would briefly share with you what I am learning in the hope that perhaps it might also get you thinking about this topic as well. Think about how it might apply in a new way to your own life and how you choose to live. 

I came across a book a few weeks ago called Yoga Masters: The Living Wisdom Series by Mark Forstater and Jo Manuel. Last week I was reading in this book about Patanjali's Yoga Sutras (which any yogi will be quite familiar with at some time or another due to the incredible teachings of Patanjali's eight-limbed approach to yoga - called Ashtanga.) The system is very similar to the Biblical teachings of the Ten Commandments and essential life lessons such as the Golden Rule and other aspects of ethical living.

One of Patanjali's eight-limbs is the idea of "Purity". This falls under the Niyama  category of personal observation where one is to be reflecting on one's life and seeing how you can live in-line with this principle.

So, what does it mean to live a "Pure" life? What does it mean to seek "Purity"? 

The first thought that always came to mind for me was related to modesty and celibacy and all things related to personal behavior such as being truthful and humble and innocent in word and deed. These were my previous ideas of the concept of purity. So when I would hear that we should seek to live a pure life that is what came to mind for me.

Recently this idea has radically evolved. Now I am gaining a very different understanding of what it means to live pure. This new and unusual perspective has allowed me to understand purity on a whole new level that actually reaches to every part of our life and includes all aspects of our daily living.....in terms of our health, our environment, our homes......

Looking at our health - Are we eating purely? Are we giving our bodies the whole foods that it needs to be sustained healthily? Are we eating free of pesticides and preservatives and all the additives that seem to be causing such harm within the body?...or...Are we taking into our bodies things that we know will cause us long term damage?

The Environment - Are we living sustainably and in ways that promote the healing of our planet? What are our thoughts/actions around trash removal and wastes? What part do we play in our daily lives that allows us to live purely in this world?

Our Homes - Are we living in a home that is pure and free from clutter and needless excess of things?...or...Do we fill our homes out of desire and the need for others to accept us as being wealthy or having great style etc? What is our intention when decorating and setting up a home? Is our intention pure, or are we seeking outside approval?

I love this quote from the book,  

"If we want a healthy world, we need to start by cultivating a healthy mind and body, stable, harmonious, balanced and pure."

The Practice of Non-Attachment

The practice of non-attachment is both a complicated and a very simple concept. The complication comes from a life trained to be attached - we are raised to be goal setters, achievers, always looking to the outcome to judge whether or not we have been successful. The simplicity comes when you realize that life is so much fuller when you let go of all that striving and seeking after things you cannot control.

Some of my personal history involves this training to be a high achiever, always setting goals and ensuring that I hit the mark. Spiritually I was taught that God had a specific purpose for each person and that He would reveal that purpose/identity to the individual....this concept often leads to years and years of long-suffering as one seeks to FIND that purpose/identity. I believe that many religious people follow this path of seeking their "calling" - and there is often a subsequent feeling of short coming or failure when that "calling" is not made clear. Everyone wants to be a Moses and have that "burning bush" experience where God opens the heavens and calls your name clearly to do a certain task.....Realistically this is not something that happens to every individual, and many are left feeling unworthy or "un-called" when that burning bush experience does not come to them.

This is what it looks like spiritually to be attached to an idea of what your life "should" be. I am speaking personally here and I realize that not everyone will have the same life experience that I have had....To me, though, I am learning to see this sort of seeking as a form of attachment to an idea and desire of what you believe your life should look like. I was raised to believe that those "burning bush" moments would come often for the true Christian. Over time I am learning that this is not truth.

I believe that every individual was created for a purpose and that this purpose is multi-faceted. It is not limited to a title or an occupation or a "calling". I am learning to understand that we can bring glory to God in every moment of our life, in the small chores we tend to throughout the day, in the words we speak to strangers and friends alike. While there may come a time in a persons life when there is a "burning bush" experience that takes place, it is only secondary to the daily opportunities of service and worship that we are given. I think too much emphasis has been placed on that special moment, that special calling, and too often people spend their whole lives seeking after that - all the while missing the daily opportunities of service and to live a life that brings glory to God.

All of this attachment to the need to be special, to be recognized as a godly person.....this attachment to outcome and to outward glory is not actually spiritual at all. This is the Ego at work. This is the Ego needing to be recognized as more special than the person next to us.

Over the past few months this thought has been with me around what this idea of attachment looks like in my life. Daily I am working towards living a life of non-attachment. A life that is not seeking outcome. A life that is at peace with the daily tasks of serving others without the need to be given a title or occupation or acknowledgement. This is to live detached from outcome and to truly practice Karma Yoga - the act of doing a task for that tasks sake.

What ideals do you feel attached to today? What do you feel that you are seeking after and striving towards? What areas of dis-content are leaving you feeling overwhelmed or stressed?.....Take some time today to meditate on these areas and allows space in your heart to let them go.

"I allow myself to let go of the need to achieve and become something; recognizing that I am already enough just as I am today. Today I allow my focus to be specifically on the people I meet and the tasks I am given; that I might bring joy and peace to those who cross my path."~Namaste