The Grace to Change

Just as the sun sets and rises again, so to our lives can have opportunity to set on the things of the past and rise to a new future...Discovering new things about yourself is a journey, really. I suppose none of us are ever fully matured, or "grown", we are constantly moving forward in our lives learning from our past and seeking a better future.

This week has been amazing for me. I just feel that I have grown so much in the ways that I have experienced things, the way I have dealt with situations, and the way that I feel about myself personally. It has been a very reflective week for me, and I think the reason that I share this is because I want to encourage you to also take time to reflect on where you are right now and where you have been in the past - Are you growing yourself? Are you challenging your thoughts? Are you changing behaviors within yourself so that you can experience life more fully?

To stay right where we are at in our lives can cause us to become quite stagnant, so it is actually good to constantly be changing and growing.

Mantra: "I allow myself the grace to grow and change without judgment towards the person that I once was." ~ Namaste

Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness Meditation is a form of meditation which focuses on the experiences of the present moment. This type of insight meditation brings the mind to a state of awareness about the experiences and emotions felt. By accepting the experiences of the present moment without judgment there is a sense of peace and calmness.

Yesterday I came across this amazing journal article about recent findings on the influence of Mindfulness Meditation causing an increase in the gray matter of certain regions of the brain - mostly in the hippocampus - The increase in density in these areas may lead to an improvement with memory, stress responses, and an increase in serotonin (affecting mood/depression) among other things. The article is foundational for future research in this area, so I thought I would share that article with you:


Holzel, B., Carmody, J., Vangel, M., Congleton, C., Yerramsetti, S., Gard, T., & Lazer, S. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, 191, 36-43.

Mantra: "Live each day in complete awareness of the present moment." ~ Namaste

Embracing Fear

What is fear if we do not acknowledge it? How can we overcome that which we do not understand?

On my run this morning my thoughts were focused on this coming semester and what I expect to gain from the classes that I will be taking. I have long been nervous about this particular semester because the majority of the focus is on the Mental Health aspect of our nursing program. We are fully trained in this capacity so that we will be qualified to work in this component of nursing should the need/opportunity arise (If not properly certified you cannot work in this type of nursing in NZ).

So, my fears revolve around my own insecurities and the struggles that I have faced in my own life. As I was thinking about this so much this morning I realized that what I fear the most is that I will not be able to let go of the pain that I witness/experience during my placement and that I will bring it home and carry their burdens with me. I have always been one to care for people so deeply that I can literally feel their pain as if it were my own....While this may be good in some ways, it can be physically and emotionally exhausting as well. (And obviously if you did that for every patient you would yourself become a patient.) So, this is my biggest fear...

What I hope to gain from this semester and the expectations that I have is that I want to learn how to overcome this fear and learn how to properly handle working in this type of environment. I want to have the confidence to help people without bringing harm to myself.

So, my intention is just that - By acknowledging my fear, I want to find the right way to truly overcome it so that I can be a stronger and more courageous woman.

Is there something in your life that you fear? Is it keeping you from reaching your fullest potential or from helping someone else reach theirs?

Mantra: "I allow myself to feel fear and I embrace that fear in order to overcome it." ~ Namaste

Finding Your Authentic Self

The past 26 days I have been on a yoga streak (I used to do yoga almost every day, but lately I have made it a habit to do it EVERY day without compromise...). In the process of doing my daily yoga practice I have found that I am more and more in tune with what I want from myself for the day, and what I want from life in general.

Coming to a place where I can just be who I am without worrying about what others think of me or if I will meet their expectations is huge. I have always been the type that needs to make people happy and needs to know that I am accepted and loved by those close to me. I have struggled in my life with the necessity to live according to others expectations and desires for me; rather than my own.

When we were at Franz Joseff Glacier this was such a peaceful moment.

Over the past 10 years I have gradually left those feelings behind me and come into myself. Daily I come to a new level in my life where I am more and more ready to be exactly who I am. (Whether those around me like or accept that or not...) The past month or so my intentions to myself have been inclusive of a lot of ideas which surround the concept of authenticity. For me this just re-iterates my need to embrace the life that I have and the person that I am.

Lately I have been studying a lot about things that lead to disease and cancer - Thanks to my summer science paper, Impaired Body Function - and the thing that has gripped me the most is the impact that chronic stress can have on the development of disease and cancer...With that said; there has been incredible research to support the idea that healthy living and proper diet and exercise can drastically reduce the risk for cancer/disease. This increases my motivation even more to pursue a life that is full of peace and contentment and to ensure that daily I allow myself the time to just let go of that which no longer serves me...To just release the negative and embrace my true self.

Taking pressure off of ourselves creates a freedom within that allows us to explore new potential in our own lives. When we can stop worrying about what those around us think, and about living up to the dreams that other people have for us; we can find a true sense of peace, contentment, and happiness.

Mantra: "Compare yourself to no one, for your life is unique to you alone." ~ Namaste

Using the energy of peace in your life

Peace ~ What brings your mind to a place where the world stands still and all is well, and you have that moment where everything feels right?

For me, my sense of stillness and peace is brought in the wind. There are just moments when I am exposed to a breeze when I just stop and realize that everything in that present moment is just perfect and exactly as it should be.

Yesterday we did a really nice tramp up Sledge Track to the Platinum Mines and along the way it was quite breezy (totally fine since most of the track was uphill and we were hot and sweaty.) As the breeze would catch the trees they would bend and sway with an eerie creaking noise, and the ferns would rustle in their own time. It was something that I cannot truly explain very well, but it was incredibly peaceful and rejuvenating to be in this rainforest surrounded by all the energy from the greenery and then feeling the refreshing breeze all around.

When we got to the top it was very windy. Looking out over all the open landscape it just gave you such a rush and a sense of how small you are in the world. It was a very peaceful moment.

I will carry that sense of peace with me throughout the week and let the memory of that breeze just energize me when I start to feel low...Just embracing the remembrance of that sense of peace in that moment.

What brings your mind into a state of peace? Use that memory to bring you back when you feel stressed or overwhelmed this week.

Mantra: "I allow myself to embrace a sense of peace in this present moment, and to let that peace wash over me and energize me for the tasks ahead."

The Brave New Year

Mantra: "Today I will be brave enough to love who I am right now in this present moment."

Like the iconic symbol in NZ of the fern, life is new and refreshing and always evolving - So fragile and yet so intricately detailed...There is a time and a season for everything under the sun. 2011 is my year for just being here - right now - in this present moment.

This year is going to be different for me because I am not planning to set any goals or resolutions - my only goal is simply to BE...To be in this present moment, to accept myself right here and now, and to live in the joy of that acceptance.

As easy as it may sound, this is actually a huge challenge because I am used to constantly pressuring myself to be more, do more, accomplish something bigger and better...I have always struggled with that need for perfection, and this new mantra and vision is one way I am making steps towards overcoming my own perfectionism.

With all the demands this year I just want to allow myself to live in this present moment without expectation of what I "should" be doing. Every time the thought, "I should..." comes to my mind I just want to focus on this mantra and remember that it's okay if I "don't".

Happy New Year ~ Namaste

*This thought was inspired by the Tiny Wisdom: On Being Fully What You Are

Staying True

Every day life teaches us new lessons about who we are...For me, personally, this week I have been learning the lesson about staying true to myself and letting go of that which no longer serves me. Yoga teaches this principle and with each practice I am constantly reminded to ground myself in the moment to just embrace where I am at without judgment. Applying this same principle to life is a bit more challenging, however, when it means confronting the possibility of backing down from something or letting someone down.

Most of us would like to finish that which we set out to do. Most of us would like to be thought of as good people, good employees, good friends. Most of us find comfort in the acceptance and appreciation of others. This is where it gets complicated...There are times when, by seeking these things, we lose sight of who we truly are and what we feel inside. Our focus shifts from acceptance of ourselves in the moment to trying to transform who we are to please those around us.

My life lesson this week has been that sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone and make changes in our life in order to maintain our own authenticity - in order to stay true to ourselves...I made this step last night when I resigned one of my jobs. I was finding that it was draining on me personally and was negatively impacting on my life and my happiness. I came to the realization that while I did not wish to quit something or let someone down, this job was no longer serving my life and bringing fulfillment to me.
Is there something in your life that you need to let go of? Maybe it's a relationship, a past hurt, a fear...Allow yourself to let go of that which no longer serves you.

"By staying true to myself, I can find joy and fulfillment in this present moment." ~ Namaste

My Story

I have been inspired by my friend, Amber and her awesome bew blog, that life is so unique to each and every one of us and we all have a story to tell. Everyone's story is different and yet it makes them who they are...So, Here is "my story" in a nutshell.

As a teen I used to imagine my life to be anything other than what it was. I wanted to do something amazing and be something more...I wanted to go to Africa and make a difference in the world and do something huge that would change people's hearts and minds forever. I was so willing to do whatever it took and whatever God wanted me to give up - I was ready...But what I thought was the direction my life would take changed so drastically the night that I decided to give up my dreams of being a wife/mother and go to Africa.

Literally the very next morning I met my husband...

You know how they say that God's plans for your life don't always match up with what you dreamed for yourself? Yeah...It was exactly like that. Within four days of meeting Travis I decided to cancel my plane ticket to the college where I was planning to study Cross-Cultural Missions. I felt that God had asked, "are you willing" and I had answered, "yes" but then he said, "that's good, but I have a different task in mind...I was just checking!" Sometimes I say that God gets a good laugh out of my life and that is so true - He always keeps me guessing.

A year later Travis and I got married and I embarked on the challenging years of life as a military wife...

Through years of deployments, wars, stress, loss, jobs, moves (oh so many moves!!), and traveling to foreign lands, life continued to take it's turns. I was still uncertain about what the final destination would be. While together we sought to follow His direction for our life as a couple, I was also finding myself...I have discovered that finding myself has been all a part of this big plan and gradually I have developed a whole new relationship with God that is totally different than anything I thought it would ever be.

When Travis got out of the army and we moved to Alaska we were at yet another crossroads of deciding what to do with our lives and it was during this time in our life that we had planned to start a family and settle down...Once again, not in God's plan. Looking back now I can see how the things that He had in store for our lives never would have played out had OUR plan worked...And so, because we were happy to just follow what we felt God was leading us to do, we emigrated to a beautiful new country and established ourselves here where I have been able to study and pursue the career that I know God has prepared me for all along the way.

Every step along the way He was watching over us, walking beside us, or carrying us through.

Obviously the adventure of my life has really just begun, but truthfully the experiences and challenges that I have faced in my life have made me who I am today and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. No one can ever take your own experiences away from you, no one can ever change who you are deep inside - that is ALL you and belongs solely to you. The feelings and dreams that you have for yourself are unique only to yourself and that is something truly to be treasured.

So, what is your story? What are the dreams that you dream for yourself? Do you find that in hindsight sometimes it might be a good thing that things didn't go as planned?

Mantra: "Allow yourself to embrace the life that you are living in this present moment and find gratitude in the life that you have lived." ~ Namaste

One With The Earth

All creation is unified together with the breath; together with the understanding that we are all connected. We find strength and are grounded by rooting ourselves to the earth and drawing our strength from it.
I have been drawing my strength from that unity and finding peace through my meditation on this. Throughout the stresses of exam week and my upcoming surgery (Or rather, my second attempt at it...hopefully we will get to go through with it this time!) I have found a sense of relaxation as I have been embracing my yoga practice and I have faithfully been taking time to really develop my practice.

I had never really realized how many awesome videos are out on youtube, so I have been enjoying using those to challenge my practice and take things to a new level.

I am still staying faithful to my commitment of 40-50min. in the AM and 20min in the PM with a 10 min. meditation. So far that works really well and I have been able to maintain that practice. When I start back to running again I will cut back a little, but right now that is a good challenge for me.

Yesterday Travis and I did an amazing 18K walk and just had an awesome time enjoying the beautiful creation. (This picture is one of my favorites from the walk.)

"Allow yourself to draw strength from the earth and all that it offers to you." ~ Namaste

Heart Expanding Practice

I found this awesome yoga video so I thought I would share it. It is so relaxing and really good ~ Namaste

Renewed Commitment

Last week was an incredibly emotional and stressful week for me. I had a huge practical assessment for my nursing program which was a pass or fail (thankfully I passed) and then I was also anticipating a long awaited surgery. I was quite apprehensive and just really nervous not only for the whole process, but for the results that would later come. Unfortunately after five hours of sitting and anxiously waiting to go in for surgery, my procedure was canceled. (They had run out of OR time due to some unexpected complications with other patients.) I was actually all gowned up and everything! So, then came the incredibly emotional feelings that follow when you have been waiting so anxiously for something and then it not actually taking place...Hard to describe, but I can just say that I was just physically and emotionally drained. Hopefully it will be rescheduled within a few weeks.

I share this because I was challenged deeply in this situation to really take a step back and appreciate where I was in the present moment. In the midst of the confusion and frustration to just find a sense of peace knowing that there was a reason that this had happened.

The hard part for me is that I haven't felt well enough to run much over the past several weeks and I was prepared knowing that it would be another month after surgery before I would be back at it again. Now, with this added setback it will be even longer. That is really discouraging to me because I know how hard it is to get back into it after such a long break.

Because of this set back I am renewing my commitment to a healthy lifestyle and increasing my intensity in other areas of my life. I am committing to a new yoga and meditation routine. I have been faithful to my yoga practice, but it has slacked off a lot and become more of a comfort thing than an actual challenge. I want to increase the intensity and bring back the challenge. My goal is a minimum 40 min morning routine and 20 min evening with daily meditation starting at 10 min. I am going to use the aid of some online videos to keep me focused on new poses and challenges.

I am also going to recommit to my "no processed foods" ideal (Which I pretty much already to, but over exam week I tend to eat too much chocolate!) I must really watch my diet while I am not running, and summer time with all the fruits/vege is a perfect time to really focus on those lighter foods!!

Recognizing the good in challenging moments is not always easy, so this is my focus this week as I head into exam week.

"Let the present moment be filled with peace, and allow yourself to find contentment in this moment." ~ Namaste

Peace and Promises

You know how some days you just need to have that feeling of peace to rush over you and just be reminded that God is always with you and His presence is surrounding you? Well, that is my favorite part about New Zealand. I know I seem to be obsessed with rainbows lately, but it seriously just gives me this rush in the present moment that "all is right with the world" and that everything will be okay.

It's been a stressful week with preparing for a HUGE practical exam for our nursing program (which, thankfully I passed yesterday! YEAH!) and then my upcoming surgery tomorrow morning...Anyway, I just really needed a moment of peace on Monday afternoon, and I was sitting at the table talking to Travis and caught a glimpse of this out of the corner of my eye - it was so bright that I could see it through the curtains!!!
Rainbows are really hard to catch on camera because they never look as brilliant as they are in real life, but this was actually a double rainbow and the main one (pictured here) was one of the most brilliant ones that I have seen.....I admit that I did feel like the rainbow was just for me since it was right over our backyard! Even in the midst of day to day struggles we need to find a moment to step back and embrace the peace that is offered to us each day.

My plan is to carry this thought with me tomorrow and to just rely on the promises that He is always with us and will give us the strength we need no matter what the circumstance. Life is so beautiful, and we just need to take the time to recognize that.

"I allow myself to find the calm in this present moment." ~ Namaste

Strength

I went for my first run in three weeks today. It felt really good to be back out there. I am still having some health issues, but finally got on the short wait-list for minor surgery in the next three months. The good side to it all is that I will hopefully feel a hundred times better after the surgery. The downside is that it may be at least four weeks recovery time before I can run after the procedure. I am trying not to think of that setback and just trying to focus on this present moment. I don't know when the surgery will be so I am just going to focus on getting back out there and running as much as I can until that time.
This picture was taken two weeks ago at our one year anniversary of being in New Zealand. Since this picture Travis has shaved off his beard! =)

We moved into our new house this week so that has been awesome. I have some pretty fabulous areas for yoga now so I'm totally stoked about that. I have one whole wall that is perfect for my hand/head stands....AWESOME!

School is getting pretty stressful these days. I feel like this semester has just been emotionally draining for me - between working so much, wondering about Travis' job, and health stuff - I am ready for a holiday for sure! I cannot wait for this semester to finish and just know that it is behind me...Only two more weeks of lectures and then two weeks of study break before exams!

"Focus on the positive in this present moment." ~ Namaste